On Doubt

One of my favorite quotes of all time comes from Protestant theologian, Paul Tillich. He says, "Doubt is not the opposite of faith; it is one element of faith." I believe this is very true. While there are many kinds of doubt, two of the most general ones regarding the character, nature, or plans of God and the other being the existence or presence of God, both are something we all must reckon with. Doubt, for us Christians, is a very real problem, but it is one that is seldom talked about. Perhaps we seldom speak about it in honest, personal terms because we are afraid of what others will think of us. Our other Christian friends might begin to believe we are closet atheists or on a slippery slope to liberalism. I think in some situations, we are even afraid that voicing our doubts and fears will make us look less spiritually mature. What I would like to do in this post is just share some very general thoughts on the phenomenon of doubt.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see," Hebrews 11:1 says. Faith is something that we choose to do in spite of having no concrete knowledge of what we hope for. To be quite honest, there are many days and times in my life when I have a hard time believing in the existence of God. When I look at the world around me and see the extent of suffering and pain that goes on, I just have a hard time reconciling that with the existence of a good God. I've heard and studied all of the reasons why the state of the world is as it is, but still the seeds of doubt remain. There are also many things in the Bible that just present huge obstacles for me in terms of belief. However, I shall not delve into them at present.

I have read and watched thousands of apologetic videos and books that seem to promise to give you an airtight defense for your Christian belief. They sound very good at the time, however, it does not take me long until I hear someone poke a hole in their argument. I then wonder if I have put my faith in the right thing. Is this all just an illusion? Is God and Christianity just a projection of my mind meant to fulfill a need I have? These are the questions that rack my brain.

So why am I a student of theology still? Why do I still plan on entering the ministry if I struggle so hard with belief? Because as I study, I see that all worldviews have insurmountable problems at some point. I also see that Christianity makes a lot more sense than most worldviews. My faith is based in the person of Jesus Christ and His work, not in my intellectual capabilities to answer all questions. I realize that to be a finite human being means having imperfect knowledge. Therefore, faith is letting the arguments take us as far as they can, but then making a decision to believe despite our unanswered questions. That is why it is "being certain of what we do not see."

Along our Christian journey, faith is something we must work on. As one of my professors says, "Doubts are like headaches; everybody gets them, and they don't last forever." Christian Mystical Theology calls this process The Dark Night of the Soul. It is a time in the Christian journey where everything we "know" is disassembled. We go through times of inner struggle as we seek to understand God. Prayer, Bible study, and other religious practices may seem hard or unhelpful, but we continue to do them anyway. It can't be said how long this "dark night" will last. Perhaps weeks, months, years? Mother Theresa went through this process for most of her adult life. She struggled with feeling the presence of God. Some, like Christopher Hitchens, called her a closet atheist. However, despite her doubts, she kept the faith. The good news for us in the pit of doubt is that one day, we shall emerge from the dark night into a beautiful and glorious morning. Our faith in Christ will be stronger and more personal. Our job, then, is simply to continue walking where we cannot see.

Let us remember that God is big enough to handle our doubts. By working through them, entrusting them to God, and soldiering on, we can live the Christian life. So by now, those of you who are reading this are probably either freaking out and thinking I have lost my faith or am in the process of doing so, or are feeling blessed because you have gone through the same thing at some time or another. I encourage the church to begin to be more open about our existential and intellectual struggles. Share them, contemplate them. Weather the Dark Night of the Soul together.